Through tears

My heart is full of emotions right now.  I am overwhelmed by God's love, sad to watch friends depart, expectant that God will continue to be more kind to me than I can imagine.  And then we can just throw in really tired.  A girl's way to deal with this is to cry.  But, doing that in an office full of men is not ideal, so I'm trying not to.  Instead, I will just spill some emotion on my blog.  You don't mind, do you?

First, I am amazed that God loves me so much.  I have been seeing in increasing measure how gross my heart is.  I am so ashamed of my pride and unbelief that I can hardly bear to look at it.  No, I've never robbed a bank, murdered anyone, or worn socks with flip flops.  I tend to obey the rules, because I fear that if I don't I will lose love, God's love.  I fail to believe that when He says I am forgiven and loved, it is forever.  That when Jesus died on the cross, He gave me his righteous record and took my sinful one.  God will forever see me with Christ's righteous record.  He is changing me into Christ's image and sin has not yet been eradicated from my heart, but He cannot ever love me more than He does right now and He will never love me less.  I don't need to hide my sin - not that that is ever effective anyway.  I don't need to tiptoe around God when I sin.  He has already covered it in Christ's blood and I only need to confess and it is gone, never to be held against me.  I still hesitate to fully embrace this, but I know it is true and I cling to it for dear life.

Second, I am sad as I watch my dear friends go home.  God, in His amazing kindness, has introduced me to some of His children here.  Friends who are passionate about knowing God.  Friends who have taught me what it looks like to pursue God.  Friends who have cared for my soul.  I have gotten to work with them, hang out, chat, encourage and be encouraged.  My heart gets quickly attached to people anyway, but with these friends, I got very attached.  It tears my heart to watch them go.  I am so happy that they get to return to their families, as I am longing to see my own.  I hope to hear what God does with them.  And I will look forward to seeing them one day in Heaven.

Third, I am looking forward to what God will do next.  I know God is good, because He says so.  I know God is good, because I have seen Him work.  I cannot expect him to be anything other than good.  That does not mean that I will enjoy what comes next.  But it does mean that I don't have to fear it.  He will continue to take care of me.  And He will continue to take care of all those I love, like you.  And all those I don't know.

Alright, that does it.  Excuse me while I go cry.  Anyone have a tissue?

Oops...

Oh, I have a blog!  I should post something!

There has been so much going on here at Camp Eggers that I have forgotten to post anything.  Terribly sorry!  I shall have to resort to bullet points to catch you up.

*  Friends: I have so many friends here!  Truly, I think I must be the most popular person on Camp Eggers.  When I walk down Gator Alley (our main road) so many people say hello.  I can walk fast and look at the ground and still people greet me.  30% (no, I did not calculate that for real, it is an estimate!) of the time I smile and say hello back and then continue on my way wondering who in the world was that and why do they know my name!  The laundry people know my laundry bag number and they pull my bag out when they see me walking up.   Sunday night after church I was crying over the recent death of my aunt and half a dozen people prayed for me, hugged me, tried to cheer me up, and one dear friend spent 2 hours hanging out to comfort and encourage me.  I am so grateful for friends! 

*  Biblical Fellowhip:  There are two guys in this category: Kyle and Matt.  They are the Chaplains Assistants and I help them with service set up.  That expanded into movie nights and late night conversations.  I so respect these two men.  They are passionate lovers of God who are quick to jump to biblical fellowship.  I have learned so much from them.  I have never felt so strongly the bond between Christians.  They are truly beloved brothers in the Lord!

*  Church: This part really should have been updated a long time ago.  I was talked into going back to the Contemporary Protestant service to hear Chaplain Oliver preach.  My friend promised that I would not regret it, that this guy is a great preacher and they guys I heard the first time I went there is not the usual preacher.  So, I gave it another try.  Wow, he was so right!  I felt like I was back at home.  Chaplain Oliver's style is more interactive, but the doctrine is just like Sovereign Grace Church and I am familiar with all the people he quotes.  How did I go all the way to Afghanistan to feel like I never left?  It's so good that I am attending his Bible study and going to him for counseling.  I am constantly refreshed and encouraged by Chaplain Oliver and thank God for him regularly.  God is kind beyond what I had imagined and I cannot even express how thankful I am!

*  Work:  I am enjoying my job.  My replacement started emailing me and I told him that I do not want him to come.  Not that my desires change anything, but I had to say it.  It was encouraging to him, anyway, since it is a sign that the job is pretty good!  I have a variety of projects which keep me busy and engaged.

*  Food:  I love and hate food at the same time.  It tastes so good and it is so fun to have choices and variety.  But everything hurts.  I am really tired of stomach aches.  But I must say that I am still glad that they are not stopping me from functioning here and having an adventure!  Maybe one day I will be healed, but in the meantime, I'll just depend on God for daily grace.  That is what I ought to be doing anyway!

*  Sleep:  I do try to do that.  But I keep waking up too early.  And then there are the new MPs on my floor who go to work at midnight and seem incapable of talking in a wisper, walking quietly, and not slamming doors.  Silly girls.  I have woken up a few times thinking there is an emergency only to discover that it is just the MPs going to work.  But the biggest impediment to sleep is my dabbling in doing Insanity workouts at 4:20am.  I know, it's silly.  But, it is also a challenge.  If only I could get my stomach to stop being naseous when I do it!  I'll experiment and try to be humble enough to give up if it is too much for me!

Prayer Request #3

I think it is high time to update my prayer request.  As most of you know, I have food allergies.  There are many of them, too many.  However, I am blessed to reside in Fairfax County where accomodating a vast array of food allergies is not only possible, but not too terribly unpleasent.  Here at Camp Eggers, however, the story is quite the opposite.  I would starve if I kept to my diet.  And while that does not threaten my life, it does make me uncomforable.  So, I get a stomach ache after most meals.  Breakfast seems to be fine, but lunch and dinner are almost always upsetting.  Then my joints, mainly my hips and lower spine, hurt me off and on.  Nothing terrible - I can walk - but it does wake me up at night.

Now, I have certainly been enjoying eating from the variety of foods usually forbidden me!  It all tastes so good!  And if you don't like the main courses, there are plenty of other options.  But, we are drawing the forces in Afghanistan down.  That means services, like food personnel, start to go away.  Don't worry, no one is going to starve.  We are not going to forge in the wilderness for bugs, berries, dandilions, or road kill.  But, the food choices are going to be limited.  We saw the reality of that when we discovered that grilled pizza will no longer be served, as was the Sunday tradition.  But that is mearly an inconvenience - and I have plenty of experience with limited choices.  Besides, I will still be no more limited than anyone else around me!

So, my prayer request, in a nutshell, is to be healed!  I would love to never have these problems again and eat and digest like a "normal" person.  In the meantime, I would really like to have no more stomach or joint pain.  And if the Lord chooses for that to continue, I would like to continue to have joy in spite of it and be able to function well enough to serve the people around me, be a blessing, and accomplish the work He plans for me to do.

Thank you all for your prayers!

Introducing the PandAs (or Pandi...)

 

I am part of the Program and Analysis division.  We shorten this to PandA and decorate our office accordingly.  It is lots of fun and these people are great coworkers!  And yes, we jokingly write Pandi as the plural.  It's a long story...  I believe I mentioned them briefly before, but here are the "formal" introductions.

 

Here you see me with MAJ Devin.  He insists that you can't smile in military pictures - which is anytime he is in uniform.  I tried to get him to smile and you can see that my only success that is that he is fighting it.  MAJ Devin was my officemate, until he left to go home this week.  He spent his days working hard and teasing me incessantly.  He also answered all my many questions about the Army and deployed life.  I miss him terribly! 

 



The guy on the right is LTC Hoberecht.  He is a cool guy.  He and I walked over to ISAF HQs today.  Along the way, little Afghan kids will run up and beg you to buy scarves and bracelets from them.  We decided to stop and make a purchase today.  After some haggling, LTC Hoberecht got a "good" deal from a little boy about 10 years old - three scarves for 500 Afghani.  There was a tiny little girl, probably 6, in a miniature Afghan National Army uniform also selling scarves.  To make it "fair" I bought from her.  Not as good a deal, though, two scarves for 500 Afghani.  The little boy was not happy.  The girl was dancing and laughing with glee, while the boy stomped back to his store.  As we walked away, I turned to see the little girl in tears while the boy scolded her.  One of the gate guards was close by watching the exchange between them.  I hope they are ok!  LTC Hoberecht and I decided we had never seen such distress come from a sale!

The guy on the left is LTC Schwartz.  He is my boss, or as we like to call him, the Chief of the Pandas.  He grew a mustache for Mustache March, but I don't think that is his normal style.  Right now he is dual hatted at the acting chief of the CJ-8, which contains several divisions, mostly dealing with money issues.  It is a complicated and busy job, but he is doing a marvelous job at getting stuff done and keeping a cheerful outlook.  We will certainly be glad to get him back when the new chief comes, though!

Then there is me.  You know me.  As you can see from the pictures, I kind of stand out.  I am grateful to be in this group and eagerly learning everything I can and trying my best to be helpful.  So far, so good!  I still enjoy being here.  I am connected at church, helping with set up and take down.  I have many new friends.  It must be something about being young, female, and civilian, but people keep greeting me as I walk past without me having made eye contact.  One Sergeant First Class stopped me and asked why I walk so fast.  I responded that I just like doing that.  He shook his head and now everytime I see him, he comments about my speed.  If it makes him smile, that's ok by me!

And now to sleep, perchance to dream! Tomorrow I get to worship God with the saints!

Back by Popular Demand!

 

 

Yes, it has been too long since my last post.  I am terribly sorry!  It is not for lack of material.  I have been busy making friends, working, and learning Jiujitsu...  Mosly, I am having trouble getting my thoughts together at the end of a long day.  So, as I am determined to post something tonight, I think you will have to bear with bullet points.  I can't seem to string my thoughts together in any coherant manner.  So, here goes!

 

*  Above you can see the view from my door step.  Kabul is in the mountains (still not quite used to the elevation).  On this slope, you can see buildings up the side and a large hotel or something at the bottom.  It reminds me of Disney kingdoms with steep slopes that are highly populated.  Only this kingdom is rather run down.

 

*  I am starting to come to an understanding about my job.  I am picking up tasks and learning who I need to know and support.  It is quite exciting to be a little part of this big operation!  My officemate keeps telling that it is only a matter of time before I become jaded and broken like he claims to be.  But, I contest that the best is yet to come.  All of this will fade away and be discarded like a garment.  Every day, no matter how difficult, takes us one day closer to Heaven.  So, I shall fight the jadedness.  It can't get me!!! :)

 

*  Jiujitsu is going well.  I must say it is weird rolling around on the floor trying to pin someone or choke them.  At one point, a guy was on top of me and I was struggling.  He finally asked me what I was trying to do.  I responded that I was trying to push him off of me.  He laughed and informed me that since he weighs 180lbs, that was not going to happen.  Then he kindly told me where to place my knees and hands to use technique rather than muscle to get him off.  Everyone there is just as kind and patient.  They consider themselves a family and just have fun together.

 

*  I got to visit some Afghan sites.  That was pretty exciting!  We went to the recruiting center and one of the training sites.  We got to see real Afghan people and hear about the process of getting guys into the Army.  I was surprised to see that there is almost as much variety in physical features among the Afghans as there is among citizens of the US.  Some Afghans look very European, others Asian, and others Middle Eastern.  This comes from people outside of the country drawing country boundary lines where ethnicity would not otherwise draw them - the primary culperates being England and Russia.  Those Europeans...  But on a higher note, we got to eat real Afghan food.  We had chicken, lamb, yogurt, lettuce, cucumbers, lemons, tomatoes, apples, oranges, bananas, rice, chickpea soup, chicken soup, and flat bread.  I did not eat the vegetables or yogurt, because it would likely throw my GI system for a loop.  One other point of interest, in case anyone was wondering, it smells pretty bad there.  Just like hundreds of guys who need a shower.  Yuch.

 

*  Tomorrow is Easter.  I may be in a Muslim country, but the truth is that Jesus rose from the dead.  Even here, he is still the only Son of God who conquered sin and death through his death on the cross.  So, I shall celebrate his resurrection tomorrow with the saints, with whom I will spend eternity.  And I shall pray for all the Muslims who will still pray 5 times tomorrow to allah.  The only hope for this country is the gospel, because that is the only power for salvation for the whole world.  Governments, economies, and defense forces are feable and powerless saviors.  So, will you join me in praying for the gospel to spread through the country more pervasivley than the insurgents?

 

*  It is bedtime.  I am tired from getting up too early this morning.  So, now to sleep.  Good night all!

Picture!

Yes! I got a picture up! Here you can see my bed. :) It feels so good to sleep in sheets again. My bed is a mix up of girliness and Army-ness. I have purple sheets, a flowery pillow case, and an Army poncho liner, which is known as the "woobie". I still can't get over how funny that sounds. My Army coworker said it is called that because "you woobie cold without it." Ok...

Evidences of God's Grace

God has been very good to me thus far on my trip. Let me tell you about it.

1. See that picture up there? That is almost all the medicine that it would take to get me through 6 months in Afghanistan while eating like a "normal person". This is now the 11th day that I have thrown out my diet. I am eating at the military dining facility (DFAC) and not taking some of my anti-inflammatory medicine (the really big bottles and the ones wrapped in bubble wrap), because it is too cumbersome. The result? A few stomach aches, but my joints have been fine! I even worked baggage detail and only had muscle soreness, no problems with my joints. Truly amazing!

2. I have met some really nice people. There are two guys who are headed to NTM-A/CSTC-A, just like me, so I should run into them throughout my deployment. Then there are the two Sergeants who talked to me as we traveled, answering questions and giving me advice. There was the civilian guy who asked me if I grew up on a farm, because apparently I was throwing bags like bales of hay. There was the Chaplain who sat with me at breakfast and talked. And many others!

3. In a separate category of his own is LTC Hopkins. I never did introduce him to you. He is the married father of 3 children, loves Jesus, and works in a different division of the Center for Army Analysis. W have prepared for deployment together, sharing notes and going to training. While traveling, he has been a sort of home base for me, giving me advice, talking through decisions and issues, keeping me out of trouble, and teaching me about the Army specific situations I keep finding myself in. I could probably get through this by myself, but it is so much better with him! LTC Hopkins is one of the most significant evidences of grace on this adventure thus far.

4. All of you are such a blessing to me! Thank you for praying for me, engaging with me on Facebook. It is wonderful to know that I and loved and supported in this grand adventure.

5. Hot showers. Need I say more?

6. Free wifi and calls home. This is not World War II. I am not writing letters home in hopes of receiving out of date news several weeks later.

7. The ability to sleep even in a tent with other strangers who come and go at all hours and a rule that the lights must remain on. I'm not sure if this is a specific gift from God or if it is just an indication that I am too exhausted, but I'll take it!